Moving on.

Life changes so rapidly and without anyone's permission. People, places, and things come and go out of lives almost in patterns.  Such is life. It's not all good or bad either. Without moving on from the good things we could never move on from the bad, so we take them hand in hand.  The steps I'm taking to move on are exceptionally painful to me.  Probably because I don't want to, but life has a way of disregarding the things we want and feeding us audibles in their place. Moving on from a job I was comfortable with to unknown territory.  From a woman I'm crazily in love with to someone I'll have no invested interest in. Most depressing and hard to swallow is the moving on from wanting to be a father and settle down to focusing on me and my own life.

I don't want any of these changes. But again, sometimes things are out of our hands, or maybe at some point they were in our hands but we didn't have the strength, knowledge, or clarity or hold on to them.  I have more money then i've ever made to look forward to, along with new lusts and heart ache no doubt. I have everything as a person to gain from the new developments and hopefully when I've continued to better myself it will open the doors to even greater opportunities, I mean if not whats the point?

Thats the thing about me.  I'm always going to be alright, I'm always going to make it, to come out on top.  I've always been that way, and that type of thinking, that type of lifestyle is what makes it hard for me to hold on to things as they leave my life....  On the contrast it's so easy for me to walk away from something. God bless my Ex girlfriends, I must of walked out of my long term relationships a million times each because of this fucking mindset. The entire concept is hypocrisy, you expect something to fight for you, but you retain the ability to walk out any moment. It's like banks competing for you business at all times knowing if 10 years later they give you an interest rate on some miscellaneous loan you dont like then fuck it im going elsewhere. Sighs, and thats what I do. But I mean, can you blame me? If every time you lost a dollar you found a twenty I sincerely doubt strippers around the world would be grasping their draws so tight. I'm just saying.

I mean don't get me wrong, it's not all positives, I'll be making 7 dollars MORE per hour with my new job then I made at S&D but my job will NEVER be as fulfilling as that!?! No dollar amount could replace the experience of that job, could replace bosslady or paul or jesus christ meeting elijah and darah, there would never of been the mia episodes with me and sean, NOTHING would be the same in my life. That job molded who I am as a person today and made my home life tolerable. Woman are even harder to judge this. When there's no doubt in your mind who "the one" is, when you've already seen yourself spending the rest of your life with someone, how do you even approach the next person?  Oh hey! The thought of having to have sex with you instead of so and so makes my stomach turn but what the hell, how about Saturday?? Smh.

So don't get me wrong, it's not all great. But it's not in my hands either, no one can just prevent change in their life it happens. I just have the uncanny ability to make the change for the best and not let my life control the level of happiness i endure. Do I want this? Of course not, but unless all the jobs we've loved called us back with raises, and the love of our lives suddenly stop being raging psychopaths we're stuck dealing with change.  So if it's something that you have to deal with i'd rather be me then anyone else, cause god knows I change for the better, every time.

So I'm moving on. Until the phone rings and life suddenly starts feeling motivated to make itself easy instead of testing our physical and emotional limits I'm doing what I have to and what makes sense.  Mark my words, There will always be another job out there that sees your value and makes an offer to you based on your accomplishments. There will always be another person out there, who won't over look the things that may not have mattered or been taking for granted by an ex. You have to be open and make yourself available for good things to happen because they won't happen on their own. And thats what i'm doing.