I'm choking on so many cliches right now I can barely breathe enough to write this. The bottom line is I can't swim and we've drawn so many lines in the sand, that my backs finally against the ocean.
Yeah, that conveys everything I need it to.
Gone but not forgotten is the usual saying right? I guess, no ones really died though. Well I guess I take that back, maybe thats what eats at me. I don't think you realize how this is going to hurt forever, how that memory will or should or perhaps needs to hurt forever. How else would it exist and not be forgotten. Everything that exists in this reality for even the shortest amount of time have the urge to continue to exist, once its forgotten its over. This memory will hurt forever, trust me I promise you.
Chapter Next. Its fitting because everything else i wanted was too dramatic. Im always too dramatic. Truth be told im just a passionate person. I blame my sign, which id of slapped anyone who said that a month ago, but as fate would have it, trial and error seems to have swayed my mind in the astral sign catagory. Maybe not but it sure is serving its purpose, which is all anything could ever ask for, no?
So what is the next chapter. What does it hold, what is expected to change, what is unwavering. I didn't read it asshole, I'm not going to pretend to know because god knows my actions dont follow any obvious path. What do I know, well I know me, better then almost anyone. And the person who knew me better doesnt exist anymore, not in my reality at least. So what do I know.
Well I've written and deleted this paragraph 3 times now. I think scattered thoughts are going to replace it..... That last paragraph was really good, it was honest. What a waste. Gravity? ha seany would get it whatever. My head hurts, Part of me is shutting down but I suppose it can't be helped. I just took off this bracelet from joes lol. Good night. Thank god for the people I have wow. I need to keep focused on the people who are there for me in my life and not the people who.... fuck it. Enough said. I hear naruto being played. Heres a thought, you know how hard it is to enough the things you loved, when youve tried so hard to make those things a part of someone else too. I dont know if you understand that. Like, listening to MY music should make me think of how great it is that someone else liked it. Such is life I guess?? I've been saying that a lot lately. I'm done with this paragraph, I don't think its done what I needed it to. And just like that I can that easily leave it and move on to a new one. Syntax is important, I just said this before writing this thats funny how it came up. Maybe I did that on purpose subconsciously?? Maybe not, a metaphore within writing that doesn't require words just a passionate reader, whos likely been hurt before to get it. Knowing me makes it too easy I guess. Less impressed now moving on.
The idea of this type of blog is interesting. A masterpiece in and of itself and its value, yet useless to the masses I suppose. I miss writing. I am glad its still so easy for me, I was meant to do this you know. Have to be. Lmao my english teacher would stab my eyes out if she read this, waste of talent she'd say. I always thought good writing was in the image, all whlie my misuse of slang and sentence fragments probably kept her up at night lol anyway. Wow been off topic for a while, I am glad it displays the title at the top while writing this.
My next blog I reveal myself in will be about all the ignorant thoughts that really go through my mind. That will be amazing and epic and sooo therapeutic. I would like not to alienate everyone I know though so perhaps I'll tone it done, I write that while think to myself anyone who knows me knows i wont lol. UGHH new paragraph back on topic.
Truth be told people, my next chapter will be exactly like my previous chapters. You know why, theres not enough variables. I don't bend, I don't compromise, I just am what you see take it or leave it. Thats likely the reason for every sad status update youll ever see from me, and the reason behind every tear i'll ever shed outside of bodily harm. I might be too stubborn, but you know what, its done me good. And the people that see that have stuck by me and support me to this day. I hope I do everyone justice, its a lot of pressure being the person people look to to be ok. Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. But you know what so are the people who know it but refuse to do anything to change it. Someone will come along who is able to deal with me and make it work. And I swear on my babysisters when that happens they will be the happiest person I know how to make some one be.
This blog lacks focus.I will end this with what i've learned, in scatter thought mode. First thoughts? The importance of the new years midnight kiss. Second thought? I need to stay away from jocelynn for a while lol. I was given a crazy reminder about how things end up for people who have chosen not to be with me, and that lead to research and discovering how bad things may have truely gotten for some. wow. But at the time if I had told them to just listen to me and life will be better they would have looked at me like I had 2 heads and no dick. It takes a smart person to realize someone else is smarter. But whatever someone will get it eventually and hopefully they deserve it. What else did I learn. I don't know, ive known almost all of this its more of a reminder, I forget this stuff when I get emotional ya know. Everything aside, I love you more then youll ever know. I just realized i didnt say half the shit in this i wanted to ugh. Another blog I suppose one with more focus. I love my family and I'm counting on you to get me through the times i bitch out of being ME and allow myself to get down. thanks for being there! You know im here when you need it.
Have a great year people.
Touching...you too
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